The Metropolitan Police in the UK has stirred debate with unconventional guidance given to Nigerian wives during a church service in London.
At Divine Restoration International Church in Camberwell on Sunday, a police officer, reportedly of Nigerian descent, addressed the congregation in fluent Yoruba.
In a two-minute, 20-second video that went viral on Tuesday, the officer encouraged Nigerian wives to resolve marital disputes amicably and lovingly.
The advice comes amid reports of Nigerian wives in the UK reporting their husbands to the authorities for various issues, including domestic violence, child abuse, and cultural misunderstandings.
The officer cautioned the women against societal influences, sparking online discussion on the police’s approach to addressing domestic issues within the Nigerian community in the UK.
Critics argue the advice may be perceived as shifting focus away from accountability for perpetrators and potentially endangering victims.
The police officer said: “We all pray never to see our children’s graveyards; Nigerians have always prayed to leave children behind, but today, it seems the opposite is happening. We must change our mindset, especially women who feel their husbands are unimportant. They should return to their roots. You see, that man (husband), even if he isn’t contributing much, just being at home sometimes makes a difference. As a woman, there are times when you may want to talk to your child, and they might not listen to you, but they will listen to their father.
“But if you’re a mother on your own, the child might not obey you. However, when the father says ‘stop,’ the child will obey. Even if the man isn’t doing much, try as much as possible to manage it. Though there’s little room for management, how we build our homes sometimes matters. Some women feel men are insignificant because of the circumstances we find ourselves in. We are here because we want to help people back in Nigeria, but if you look at some of them back home, they are looking better than you, and don’t think if you don’t send money to them, you’ll die. Please, take care of your husband.”
Furthermore, the police urged the women to prioritise their homes and not allow the influences of society to undermine their marriages.
“Women, think about your home, and if you allow the society we live in to corrupt us, it becomes a problem. We’ve got to work together and make it work. We, the police, are here to help you; we’re not your enemies but your friends. If you have any problems, discuss them with us, and we can give you advice,” the police said.
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Analysing the trending video on TVC’s Journalists’ Hangout, Mayor Akinpelu, Publisher of Global Excellence Magazine, said peer influence is a significant factor in the rising trend of “women using the police to evict their husbands from home”.
He further noted that this phenomenon is becoming increasingly common in Europe and America because of the growing empowerment of women in the regions.
“They believe that, especially when kids are involved, the woman is in a better place to care for them. So, they give up all privileges against the man. It’s worse in America than in the UK. When you get to London, or when you get to the UK, you realise that there are a lot of single mothers; the reason is that when you have a problem with your husband, you can call the police.
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“The police will tell the husband to move out of the house, and then the woman will start collecting benefits from the government to take care of the kids. Sometimes, it’s even better for a woman not to have a husband because she collects a lot of money on each child, and even if she has a child that has health challenges, maybe a Down syndrome or something, she collects more money. So, that’s part of the problem,” he noted.
Mr Akinpelu also said the UK system is biased against men, noting that this systemic bias has led to a significant number of Nigerian men being incarcerated.
He said, “A Nigerian man would leave America to his village in the South-east to pick a wife, believing that the woman is a fresh person, and he doesn’t want to deal with the women in America because they won’t listen to him. Then he takes the lady to America; maybe he is a security man trying to make ends meet, but he decides to send the lady to school. Most nursing schools and the medical profession in America are well-paid, especially nurses. The woman graduates from nursing school and starts earning better than the guy.
“And then when the lady starts attending those cultural associations, maybe Nigerian associations from this state or from that state, they will meet other women. They will say, this is America. Don’t allow any man to tell you anything. This is America. You have every right in this country. And that’s how it works. So when they have issues or issues at any time, the lady calls the police. The police will come and say no matter what happens, they will ask the man to move out before investigating anything. If couples have issues, they ask the man to move out first.
According to him, despite eviction, the men are still responsible for domestic payments, while the women receive financial support from the government.
“When the man moves out, if things get serious, the woman can complain that he’s harassing her. They will give the man a restriction order not to be some kilometres around that premises.
Meanwhile, the man will continue paying the mortgage for the house they sent him out from. So it gets to a stage where the man gets frustrated and then just kills the woman. It happens a lot in America. The man will just get frustrated and kill the woman. But what I want to say is that Nigerian women in Europe and America should know that no matter how long they stay there or carry the passports of those places, they are not from there.
“So the women need to look at Nigeria culture and how we do things. I’m not saying that marriage is perfect in Nigeria, but we have mechanisms to resolve differences between couples. If there is a problem between couples, their family members will come and try to convince you and all that.
