About seven months ago or thereabout, one of 2face’s baby mama and happily married mum of two boys, Sumbo Adeoye, gave a 45 minutes message at her husband’s church, Royalty Christian Centre for single parents. Sumbo did not only address single moms but also single dads.
According to her, one doesn’t necessarily become a single parent by engaging in fornication or immorality. Citing four scenarios, she explained that one could become a single parent either by rape,
premarital sex, losing one’s spouse or having one’s spouse abandon one for greener pastures.
Here are 7 major things to learn from the message:
1. Seek God:
Stop blaming yourself…seek God, ask him for forgiveness (if you defiled the bed by engaging in fornication).
When you seek God, grace will come in.
Tell God to take away the pain and sorrow from your heart so that you can stop being bitter.
Pain leads to bitterness. Do not waste your pain, sometimes you are in that pain so that you can help others who will go through that same pain later on.
Sometimes God brings you through this pain so that you can give the message of hope (like I am) doing to others tomorrow and this shows that you have been healed…..
2. Forgive yourself, let go of the guilt.
The child has already happened, you shouldn’t always get angry or feel guilty about your past…forgive yourself……and move on….
3. Trust God.
Trust God in all your ways.
I remember when I used to be a single mom, I knew what I wanted. For about five years, my prayer point was God give me a man after your own heart, lord let your will be done, I let go of my choice for the choice you want for me, I let go of everything that I see as picture perfect. I made this my prayer point everyday. I would be like God, I have tried my best I am overwhelmed, there is nothing I can do…when you pray such prayers, make sure you don’t have a different expectation because as at the time my answer to the prayers came, it came in form of a pastor, and i am like for real, No oh,I know I was asking for a man but not a Pastor. And then the holy spirit reminded me that you are after a man after my heart and I am giving you David, what else do you want?…and then I succumbed.
Sometimes we contradict what we are expecting from God..We pray for this but we are expecting something else..I knew where I was coming from and God was saying he wanted a new taste for me and my friends didn’t even believe it..sometimes when God does his own things, we can’t comprehend it.
Mary in the Bible was dating Joseph and she got pregnant. Imagine what people of now would have said to Joseph, you better flee from her..you want to father someone else’s child…even Joseph’s mum too would have said her own too…the society too would have condemned her too, painting her and calling her negative names like wayward girl etc…but God sent Angel Gabriel to tell Joseph to stick with Mary.
I remember when I was a single parent, i was working in a Bank and was comfortable, so I wasn’t begging anybody for anything…but one sister came to meet me and said, sister Sumbo you know you are looking for a husband to marry, you better pack your car and always use all this danfo buses as your means of transportation so that you can easily get a man to notice you…they won’t notice you easily if you are driving a car oh. Enter bus and stop driving car up and down…the society gives you ridiculous advises….some will say go to clubs…yet you are asking for a man after God’s heart.
When you ask God for something, the answer may not come early.
In my own case, i waited for 8 years. The answer may not come quickly because God is trying to re-mold you, to break you, to prepare you so as to ready for the testimony he is about to give you….because if he gives it to you on a platter of gold, you may not appreciate it.
5. Do not be desperate
Take your time. As a single parent, don’t rush into a relationship, desperation will make you accept just anything. E.G at 21, as a lady your dream is a tall dark and handsome man…then you turn 25…then 35+ …….you now start saying any man that fears God (whether he has a job or not) is okay for you as long as he can marry you and give you a child…this is desperation…these things happen for real.
I remember the day when my baby daddy proposed to his girlfriend, I was on the list of those that will take praise in church for that Wednesday..well I had known what was going on but it didn’t affect me because I had known what I want, so i had let go of that choice for God’s will for me…so i came to church, I was leading the Praise session and everyone was just looking at me with pity eyes like ‘omo yi o mo nkan ti on sele (this girl doesn’t know what’s going on o)’….after service, one sister even came to me and said It is well and in my mind, I am like what happened, did somebody die….the person felt i was faking that i wasn”t hurt by the proposal but she and the others didn’t know i had been healed by God for my own expected end..so don’t be desperate.
That bobo that you are killing yourself over and putting yourself in strategic places over..may not be God’s choice for you…..but if he is God’s choice for you like Mary’s spouse Joseph in the Bible….God will fix it…he made sure Joseph did not leave Mary so if you are waiting for a Man as a single mum, as long as you trust God enough, he will speak to the Man that will come for you.
Mary was in a complicated issue, not many men would stay but the Almighty jury fought for her because that was the man God had prepared for her….Mary did not have to call anybody to go and beg Joseph to stay, so you don’t need to beg any spouse to stay with you because you are a single parent…
5. Be positive to receive
Everyone who sees you as single parent will definitely judge you at first even without hearing your story… it is normal, i have been there, i know what i am saying…but don’t let that discourage you…..
6. Pray and seek God always
Even if you have seen someone to marry you, don’t stop praying constantly….have the word of God in your heart…it helps.
7. Go for counselling
If you are marrying a single mom/dad, you need to go for counseling, because it is not easy…cos you need to love her/him, flaws and kid(s)..and be ready to take up their responsibilities.
Anyone who marries a single mom or dad is very lucky because they have been there or wounded so they will do everything to make it work, they won”t want people to be counting their husbands/wives for them…it is a unique marriage that is not for everybody
|Pastor Adeoye, his wife, their sons and Don Moen|
Concluding the message, her hubby, Pastor David Adeoye had this to say to single parents…
“I have the happiest marriage on earth today because i love my wife and our sons….Don’t hide your child from your spouse, if they can’t love your child with you, then they don’t deserve