Thursday, May 23, 2024

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    How To Ensure Perfect Mouth/Body Odour Deliverance

    Last Sunday, I went to an event. I was so carried away by the beautiful and colourful setting of the hall. The serenity was so welcoming.
    I had barely seated when a guy already well positioned close to my seat, said ‘Hello”.  At first I couldn’t believe what I perceived, well maybe someone farted mischievously, I murmured to myself.
    Few minutes later, he dared to ask me to pass him the magazine I was holding so he could flip through. Poor me! I didn’t hear him clearly, thanks to the noise coming from the live band set right beside the stage. I waved to him that didn’t understand his request. Chai! He drew a little close to whisper into my ears. Ha! So sorry to say, but meeehn! That was the worse mouth odour I have perceived in my life time. For the next 5 minutes, I couldn’t breathe again. I held my breath for so long that I almost choked.
    How I survived with him sitting next to me for the two hours the event lasted was indeed a miracle and a story for another day. 

    Seriously, this is not a laughing matter.  The guy breath smells like one who ate soured beans garnished with rotten egg, then used gutter waters to wash it down.
    It is indeed so painful, because this same guy would have a girlfriend (or girlfriends) that he kisses and romances and even makes love to, so how come she or they are not complaining or even proffered solution his irritating mouth odour. Nawaaoh!!!
    I had written on this same issue of personal hygiene countless times. Wondering when our young men and women would read, learn and practice good things they read on papers.
    Meanwhile, top model turned actor and TV presenter Uti nwachukwu is also well known to be very outspoken. The Delta State born handsome dude calls a spade a spade. He recently shared his countless experiences with people with offensive odours, both his friends and other top celebrities.
    He as well recommended remedies to fight any form of body or mouth odours, so I decided to share his story (unedited) with you guys to see if you could pick one or two lessons from what he has to say.
    Hear him, “Usually that’s what goes through your head if you are cursed to be seated close to someone with rancid breath or even worse if you end up in bed with someone who has become one with body odour.
    Yes, my fellow Nigerians. Quite a number of you smell. Be it body or mouth odour but it has become a threat to social existence in our society because some of you are so selfish and too wicked to bother about personal hygiene. Only money money money una de think? It’s not fair ooooo.
    Come on people, do you know that the way you smell can even favour or be bad luck to you when you are trying to get employed?
    I know of a model that was hot and when the designer asked her to try on the clothes, the minute she took her top off. The designer “change face” and said “you know what, I’ve changed my mind, your agency will get back”.
    He then went back to the casting crew and said : WTF? She smells like s***.
    This also happens to male models regularly and designers complain. I understand because a friend once borrowed my shirt and I had to turn it to a  rag afterwards. On the other hand, my good friend in Benin borrowed my singlet and it came back smelling of how your box smells when you travel to Jand. Get this, it was unwashed. Now that’s a clean person.
    First things first- Armpit/ Body Hair
    Nigerians! We live in a temperate region of the world. It’s hot and humid. Male or female , why on earth will you allow your armpit hair grow out?
    Do you not know that hair in closed places traps bacteria and builds up gunk that will now smell? Habah now!
    With or without antiperspirants, shave your armpit hair. I know some guys that will say oo it’s manly to have hair in your pits. Really??
    To choke the babes that you are hugging or dancing with is manly? And you wonder why the girls go home with the metrosexual men more. Smh.
    Brosiyeeeeeee. Shave your pits. Nigeria is too hot, plus no matter what you say, hairy armpits are unsightly.
    And invest in really strong antiperspirants. Abeg, for the sake of your friends and girlfriends.
    It’s quite embarrassing to tell you but trust me, if you have armpit hair in Nigeria you do smell after a while and people just don’t want to tell you.
    Don’t even come with that crap about not being able to afford body sprays. There are very cheap ones if you don’t have enough money. Some go for as little as 150 Naira. No excuses. Buy them and use, I’d rather chill with a local person smelling good cheap than a classy person smelling like carbide.
    Let’s go to the body…this is really controversial. As a woman of course there should not be hair ANYWHERE on your body apart from your head.
    Not even down there ladies, come on. What are you doing with all that bush, abi you wan train hair to make short and curly weavon/wig to sell?? 
    Habah. You know how sensitive that spot is…the more shaved it is, the less likely you are to have odours when you combine with your regular non soap “surface” wash (seeing as it is a self-cleaning organ. Hurray!!!)….. (To be continued next week)

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